I've spent more than a decade connecting women. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that collecting contacts is not the same thing as building community.
In 2015, I founded BRA – Business Relationship Alliance because, frankly, I was fed up with traditional networking.
The awkward introductions. The elevator pitches nobody asked for. The business cards being passed around like Halloween candy. And don't even get me started on the cold coffee and lack of snacks.
Where was the connection? The collaboration? The genuine interest in helping another woman succeed?
I knew there had to be a better way.
So I built one.
BRA was founded on a simple philosophy: Collaboration Over Competition. And our unofficial marching orders? Hire Each Other First.
Over the next decade, I watched women build businesses, find clients, develop partnerships, make lifelong friendships, and discover opportunities they never would have encountered had they not walked into one of our gatherings.
But here's what those years taught me: The most valuable thing you can walk away with from a networking event isn't a new client. It's a new relationship.
And there's a big difference.
Networking Is Transactional. Connection Is Transformational.
Recently, I sat down with Jodi Grinwald, leadership and business growth strategist, author, and host of the Today is the Day Changemakers Podcast, for an episode of my podcast and web series, Carrie On!
EPISODE LINK:
Jodi has built her career around a philosophy that immediately resonated with me:
Connection Is the Work™.
Not the business card exchange. Not the LinkedIn request. Not the follow-up email that starts with "I'd love to pick your brain" and ends with someone trying to sell you something.
The actual relationship.
Jodi and I laughed about the all-too-familiar networking experience of speaking with someone who's clearly scanning the room for somebody more important.
You know the type.
They're nodding politely while looking over your shoulder for the CEO, investor, or person with the fancy title. What they don't realize is that the person standing right in front of them might be the most valuable relationship they'll never have.
When you treat people like stepping stones, don't be surprised when nobody wants to build a bridge with you.
The Connector's Dilemma: Who Opens Doors for the Door-Openers?
Here's something we don't talk about enough.
When you become known as a connector, people come out of the woodwork.
"Carrie, can you introduce me to...?"
"Carrie, do you know someone who...?"
"Carrie, could you put me in touch with...?"
And because I genuinely love connecting people, my first instinct is usually YES!
But after years of building BRA, I learned that not every introduction is a good introduction. Your network is built on trust. And every time you introduce two people, you're putting a little piece of your reputation on the line. Jodi and I discussed the delicate art of protecting those relationships while remaining generous with our connections.
Her approach? Ask permission, avoid assumptions, and recognize that sometimes the timing simply isn't right.
It's a lesson every connector needs to learn.
Being generous with your network doesn't mean giving everyone unlimited access to it.
And then there's the other question.
Who's opening doors for YOU?
The women who organize the events, make the introductions, celebrate everyone else's wins, and create opportunities for their communities need support, too. Reciprocity doesn't mean keeping score. It means recognizing that relationships are a two-way street, even when one person happens to be particularly good at directing traffic.
Building Community Is About More Than Bringing People Together
After more than a decade of building BRA, and now continuing those conversations through Carrie On!, I've come to believe that community isn't something you measure by attendance numbers, membership lists, or how many people show up for the complimentary cocktails.
Although, let's be clear, good cocktails never hurt. Ha!
Community is measured by what happens AFTER everyone leaves the room. After my events this was very important to me and I would find myself asking;
Do people continue the conversation?
Do they hire each other?
Do they celebrate each other's wins?
Do they show up when things get difficult?
Do they make room for the next woman coming up behind them?
And perhaps most importantly, do they feel seen, heard, and valued?
Because you can gather a hundred people in a beautiful room and still have absolutely no community.
Connection requires intention. Community requires commitment.
So, Here's My Challenge to You
This week, I want you to do three things:
Thank a door-opener. Reach out to someone who believed in you, made an introduction, or gave you an opportunity. Let them know the impact they had.
Become a door-opener. Think of two people who could genuinely benefit from knowing each other. Ask permission, make the introduction, and let the magic happen.
Open a door for yourself. Stop waiting for someone to give you permission to pursue the thing you've been putting off.
Because here's what I know after years of bringing women together:
Your network isn't just about who you know. It's about who you lift, who lifts you, and what you create together.
WATCH THE EPISODE: Your Network Isn't Your Net Worth. Your Relationships Are.
Prefer to Listen? Available now on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
And I'd love to hear from you:
Who was the ONE person who opened a door that changed your life? And have you thanked them lately?
Let's give those door-openers their flowers.
